An Open Letter to my so-called friends re: Charmed

Okay, I get it. Not every single one of you is a HUGE Charmed fan like me. That’s okay, not every one of you can be awesome. However I refuse to believe that not a single one of you, my friends isn’t a fan of the brilliant Aaron Spelling produced reali-fanta-dramedy!

Preposterous I say!

I’m 97 episodes in to this thing and not one of my so-called friends has bothered to join me. Do you know how lonely it is watching one episode of Charmed every week by yourself? The answer: Very.

Perhaps you were thrown off by my email declaring the intentions to start a weekly Charmed Watch Party as ‘a way for us to better understand Wiccan and San Francisco culture.’ What you obviously do not know (because you have neglected to show up to any of the first 97 parties is that Aaron Spelling produces ,through the very fine acting of Alyssa Milano,  Holly Marie Combs, and Rose McGowan, an almost exact representation of the Wicca spirituality as well as the intricacies and hustle/bustle of San Francisco. Perhaps you felt that you had figured that out with a show like Full House. But I ask you what’s more likely? Three sisters who are witches or three straight guys raising three girls? I think we all know what the answer to that stupid question is!

VS.

I can only theorize as to why some of you may have decided to forsake Charmed and therefore me, so I’m going to do just that as well as help alleviate your concerns.

  • A fear of the Occult

Okay I get this one, the occult is some scary shit and Charmed is the only show to ever have a Demonologist on staff. But don’t worry the demons on the show are very unrealistic and wouldn’t scare a 10 year old child. I mean if they were real demons, woo boy, look out.  Plus most of the demons aren’t really looking to enslave humanity or kill normies. The demons are mostly trying to do things like kill other witches or track down talismans and shit like that. In fact a lot of the episodes feature very little demon interaction.

  • Your worried about understanding the plot

Again I kind of understand this one. I mean Charmed began in 1998 and ran for 8!!!* full seasons. I mean this was really before the internet took off. But now all you need to do is check out the Wikipedia page for Charmed and you can get totally caught up. However I strongly suggest you refrain from reading the episode synopsis before you watch as that totally takes away the fun of discovering the mischief and hijinks the Sisters find themselves in week to week. I know it’s hard, but it is totally worth it okay guys.

*Interesting Factoid: Charmed is the longest running hour-long program featuring all female leads. Take that Murder She Wrote and The Facts of Life

  • Supernatural being fatigue

Hey I get this one too. There has been a rash of witches, wizards, vampires, zombies, etc. into the consuming marketplace. But need I remind you the Charmed Ones didn’t force you to sit through stupid herbology and potions classes to get 5 minutes of action at the end of a movie. And let’s face it, in Charmed they show a helluva lot more skin and I’d take Alyssa Milano over Emma Watson every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Case in Point:

OR

So once again I implore you to re-consider your disappointing lack of attendance to my Friday night Charmed party. This week is Episode 98 entitled “Y Tu Mummy Tambien” You can probably guess the plot but suffice it to say Phoebe falls prey to a demon and finds herself once again in a sticky situation. This episode also features the captivating Julian McMahon as Cole. I can’t wait to see you all there.

Yours in Wiccan strength,

David

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