Presidental Platform

Presidential candidate/crazy person Michele Bachmann assured God-fearing ‘Mericans that under a Bachmann presidency we will see $2 gasoline. Now any sane person understands that unless we go after reckless oil futures trading and drastically cut our dependence to all oil (both foreign and domestic) this is an asinine promise.

With that being said here are some of my promises. All of which I assure you are more likely to happen before we see the likes of $2 gasoline.

Future President Zeller promises you plebe the following:

Again this is not an exhaustive list of things that I can promise will happen before $2 gas. Just a few of the more probable ones.

*Brought to you by mood-altered Friends of David Committee

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